We think so much about living. We spend many hours planning our days to the
minute. But we rarely think about
dying. In fact, I would venture to say
most of us think that topic is taboo.
But here I am with a hurting heart. Jumping every time the phone rings wondering
if it’s “the call”. Trying to figure out
when to go. Wishing desperately that I
could see her one more time, hear her infectious laugh and tell her I love her.
I never thought about being here……but here I am.
How do I navigate this.
I have been struggling all night and all this morning with my
thoughts. Do I fly out to see her. Is
that the right thing to do? Do I wait until both my husband and I can go. Is she scared? Does she understand what is going on? Does
she know we desperately want to be there?
Is she wondering where we are? My
mind moved so fast it literally took my breath away.
I lead a bible study on Monday afternoons. It is a Kay Arthur precept upon precept study
and we are working through the gospel of John.
I almost called the study off today.
I didn’t feel like I was in the right frame of mind to lead others, but
God gently spoke to me and said “Go”.
Of course, I am so glad I did.
God’s Word is always the place to find peace and Kay Arthur’s
video was amazing. It reminded me again what
I already know…that our times are in God’s hands (Ps 31:14-15). That God is in control of the
problems and He is also in control of the solutions. He knows the situation and He knows my
heart. I don’t need to worry or try to
figure it out, I just need to listen.
And as I listened to Kay teach, I realized that my
Mother-in-LOVE knows I love her. I don’t
need to tell her that. And I know she
loves me. And what is more important is
that I know she loves Jesus.
And soon, on God’s
time table, she will be done with this broken body that is not working for
her and she will walk into the presence of God fully healed. And because we both have accepted that Jesus
is God, He is the Son of God and He died for our sins……this is not good
bye. I will see her again soon…..
and what a wonderful
reunion that will be!!
4 comments:
I am so sorry... I know the heartache of knowing what the next step is... but we'll all be there, right? & then the reunions. It's keep that the focus - the HOPE that Jesus gives us.
I know that doesnt stop the ache right now. Praying for you all.
I am so sorry you are torn and this is happening. I am glad you wrote about it. I think it is important to write about the real stuff. I pray God will make a way for peace in all of your hearts and that her passing will be a time of joy for her as she enters eternal bliss.
Praying for you all in this time.
Love you, my friend.
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