Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Sitting at a Place I never thought I'd be....

This morning, we moved my sweet Mother-in-Law to hospice.  I guess mentally I knew I would eventually be at this place.  We all know everyone dies.  But all my life it seemed so far away. 

We think so much about living.  We spend many hours planning our days to the minute.  But we rarely think about dying.  In fact, I would venture to say most of us think that topic is taboo. 

But here I am with a hurting heart.  Jumping every time the phone rings wondering if it’s “the call”.  Trying to figure out when to go.  Wishing desperately that I could see her one more time, hear her infectious laugh and tell her I love her. 

I never thought about being here……but here I am.

How do I navigate this.  I have been struggling all night and all this morning with my thoughts.  Do I fly out to see her. Is that the right thing to do? Do I wait until both my husband and I can go.  Is she scared?  Does she understand what is going on? Does she know we desperately want to be there?  Is she wondering where we are?  My mind moved so fast it literally took my breath away.

I lead a bible study on Monday afternoons.  It is a Kay Arthur precept upon precept study and we are working through the gospel of John.  I almost called the study off today.  I didn’t feel like I was in the right frame of mind to lead others, but God gently spoke to me and said “Go”.

Of course, I am so glad I did.

God’s Word is always the place to find peace and Kay Arthur’s video was amazing.  It reminded me again what I already know…that our times are in God’s hands (Ps  31:14-15). That God is in control of the problems and He is also in control of the solutions.  He knows the situation and He knows my heart.  I don’t need to worry or try to figure it out, I just need to listen. 

And as I listened to Kay teach, I realized that my Mother-in-LOVE knows I love her.  I don’t need to tell her that.  And I know she loves me.  And what is more important is that I know she loves Jesus. 

And soon, on God’s time table, she will be done with this broken body that is not working for her and she will walk into the presence of God fully healed.  And because we both have accepted that Jesus is God, He is the Son of God and He died for our sins……this is not good bye.  I will see her again soon…..

 and what a wonderful reunion that will be!!


Rebecca Jo said...

I am so sorry... I know the heartache of knowing what the next step is... but we'll all be there, right? & then the reunions. It's keep that the focus - the HOPE that Jesus gives us.
I know that doesnt stop the ache right now. Praying for you all.

Darla said...

I am so sorry you are torn and this is happening. I am glad you wrote about it. I think it is important to write about the real stuff. I pray God will make a way for peace in all of your hearts and that her passing will be a time of joy for her as she enters eternal bliss.

Cathy said...

Praying for you all in this time.

Mocha with Linda said...

Love you, my friend.